Spike Reflections from FEMA Corps Members

Reflection Sonnets

This is a collection of sonnets. It shows the evolution of one corps member's term through the first eight months of FEMA Corps. Unfortunately for FEMA Corps (fortunately for the individual), this corps member did not finish the full term because his/her pleas were never heard:

Not Enough Time to Help

I write this to you to declare my peace,

To show FEMA Corps staff what we’ve done.

PA*, in Mississippi, did not cease.

From JFO** to applicants we’ve run.

Our mentor was great; his friends called him Tom.

He taught me all that I needed to know.

Our jobs were slim, but we still were the bomb.

Before we could actually help, “Go!”

FEMA said, and with that we did move on,

Not a diff’rence made; and then we were gone.

*PA stands for Public Assistance, a branch of FEMA that reimburses governments, volunteer agencies, fire departments, etc. (applicants) for money they spent on disaster relief.

**JFO stands for Joint Field Office, the location in which FEMA works with the state after a disaster.

Not Enough Help for Time

With all of the time that I have, I used

In Staten Island to make ‘me’ better.

CR* was our job, but we were abused

Because they thought of us as a fetter.

Knock, knock, knock, every door we did knock

“You FEMAs were here yesterday!” they’d say.

“Don’t knock our doors here: go down to ‘the rock’!”**

In vans we sat, our heads ashamedly lay.

Superstorm Sandy gave nothing to do?

FEMA Corps: press stunt: I reflect to you.

*CR stands for Community Relations. These specialists go door-to-door in an effort to tell survivors how FEMA can or cannot help.

**’The rock’ is what the locals call the area where Hurricane Sandy destroyed large portions of the Staten Island beach.

Stop Promising Change; That’s Called Lying

FEMA Corps, “Ready to serve,” after our break.

Experience said we’d get nothing done,

But this fortune, a prophet need not make,

For of ten hours logged, we oft worked one.

We do not know why we let our hopes rise,

Perhaps because we’re still naïve and young.

Many corps members hope this program dies,

So others don’t wish a whole year unsung.

Summit One, the lucky ones, I suppose,

Because at least we volunteer Fridays,

So one of five days we are on our toes,

Which allows us out of this office haze.

Others envy us, but we envy them:

They do not have our TL*, what a gem.

*TL stands for Team Leader.

Spoiler Alert: Nothing Changed

To serve my country, that is why I came.

I saw faults, though. To staff, I wrote letters

Of problems—our TL*, FEMA Corps’s aim,

But I should have known of these dense fetters:

Staff would do nothing, but ignore the sobs.

No one stepped up to change FEMA Corps’s flaws

They need us to succeed to keep their jobs,

So threating dismissal, they sealed our jaws.

Above the law, she was our team leader.

I resigned, in lieu of being dismissed

Our team dropped to six**; zero could beat her

Because her butt is one I never kissed.

Between the flaws, the TLs* and the staff—

FEMA Corps: one great American gaffe.

*TL stands for Team Leader

**A team starts with eleven or in some cases twelve corps members.

Coerced Reflection

This corps member reflected that he/she would not write a reflection for the first two Spikes because staff would do absolutely nothing with the reflection and would in fact take the reflection, promise to make it all better and then doing hold it against the corps member. When this corps member finally wrote a reflection, it was too negative and deemed unsuitable. This was the original reflection:

This has been the worst program I have ever been a part of in my entire life.  It is incomprehensible how the organizational structure of such a large government-run program could be so flawed and dysfunctional.  The “help” and “support” that we as corps members receive from the staff is nonexistent and how the majority of these “professionals” were ever hired is a complete fucking mystery.  One of the most entertaining/puzzling aspects of this whole ordeal is the fact that staff seems to think they are essential to everything we do when, in fact, they are completely fucking useless. A thought has just occurred to me. Perhaps they hold this belief on the basis of self-preservation, because I am confident in saying that there is no way they sincerely believe they are of any importance. That being said, I would act like an ignorant, oblivious, “integral” employee of a great program as well.

                Our work has been especially disheartening and forgettable.  We do nothing but sit in a cramped office and work on minimal amounts of meaningless projects. Take a wild guess at where I am while I am writing this. The occasional volunteer work that we do is the only time that I feel as though I am being productive. Never in my life have I felt so underutilized and demoralized. My hatred for life grows by every life-draining hour I sit at my dreary, cold, metal table that they call a workplace.

                As for our team, I don’t believe things could have gone much worse.  Three team members left because the program was that miserable. I do not want that last statement to come off as disapproval because, in fact, I applaud them for ditching this false hope of a desirable situation. One other team member, who just so happened to be one of my best friends in the program, was moved to a different team due to the fact that the world would have imploded if she stayed on our team- no doubt. The remnants of the team all have problems with one another and we all generally wish things had gone 100% differently. These team issues could largely be placed in our team leader’s overflowing bucket of Shit She Has Fucked Up.

                I now count down the minutes until I can go back to real life. I spend most of my days applying for jobs and looking for any outlet to get the fuck out of this hell I am living.

The corps member had to write a new reflection, suitable for staff's eyes. This is the result (what staff wants the world to see):

This has been the most beneficial program I have ever been a part of in my entire life. Until now, I have not seen such unity and cohesion in an organizational structure, especially in a government program that is in its infancy.  The help and support that we as corps members receive from the staff is expectation-exceeding and they, no doubt, have reassured their integral positions they hold. The day-to-day happenings of every single team would not be able to flow so fluidly if not for these indispensable cogs of this great machine that we have become.

                Our work has been especially memorable and noteworthy.  We come to the office every day and work on our respective projects that we have been assigned. As I write the project worksheets, I can see the help I am providing come to life right in front of my eyes and envision all the people I am affecting by the invaluable service we provide. I have had to frantically search for time to write this reflection and get it in by the deadline. The only downside is that I have to put off my projects after Thursday’s end till Monday so we can squeeze in some volunteer hours. Not that I don’t cherish the times where we get to give back to our local communities, I just wish there was more time in the day. If only miracles happened.

                As for our team, I don’t think things could have turned out any better.  Yes, three team members have left the program, but it has really brought our team together.  Also, one member of our team was moved to a different unit which I believe really opened our team up to connect even more considering said team member was a bit of an emotional drain. Our team leader has also helped things progress in a positive direction by managing the team so well.

                With June 6th on the horizon, I am greatly saddened that my time in FEMA Corps is nearing an end. I spend a large majority of my free time looking into other great AmeriCorps programs where I can devote more of my time and continue to make a difference.

Brute Honesty

This corps member had finally had enough and decided to be honest. He/She refused to rewrite the reflection or be on any level falsely positive:

            I joined AmeriCorps for a number of reasons: to strengthen my already solid core values, give back to my country through community service, and generally better myself as a human being. I can confidently say, after participating in this program for nearly eight months, that I have achieved absolutely none of these things. My disappointment in this program as a whole grows exponentially. I had not previously been aware of how low my hopes could sink prior to AmeriCorps.  Some of the major issues that I encounter on a frequent basis are as follows: inconsistent repercussions to rule infractions, staff ignoring corps member concerns/issues, favoritism, meaningless work, underutilization of skills, and false representation of corps activities as a whole in order to portray a situation to the media.

            Staff likes to make it seem like they will go to any length to help out any corps member. It is my opinion that this is inaccurate to say the least.  Sure, staff will jump through hoops and break their back to help certain individuals, but what about the rest? Certain corps members are treated unfairly because of the way that their team leaders have made them out to be. These individuals often are reprimanded for speaking their minds or voicing their opinions that do not conform to the corps-loving attitude that is integral if one wishes to be looked at favorably by staff. Ironically, these few people that seem to be loathed by staff for having differing views or opinions are not the ones breaking any rules. These are not the people that are smoking marijuana on a daily basis or skipping work or being unprofessional or being sexually explicit in workplace bathrooms or any of the things that one might think would be reasonable to frown upon. In fact, quite the opposite takes place; the ones that are taking part in all of the previously stated delinquent activities seem to have some sort of staff-sanctioned immunity.

            Staff is also inconsistent with what they allow corps members to do. Is it understandable that staff approves one corps member to stay at another corps members housing? Sure. Is it acceptable that staff denies another corps member that same privilege? One would have to look into the circumstances. What is certainly NOT acceptable is that the one corps member that got it approved is having sex with whoever they are staying with while the rest of the roommates are still in the room when the corps member who gets denied was just looking to hang out with a friend. But hey, some people are just better than others no matter what rules they break, right?

            As previously stated, I had every intention of joining this program to strengthen my core values. My honesty, respect, and work ethic have never been so blatantly put in jeopardy before.  I find myself frequently being put in situations where I am encouraged to lie about the work I am doing (or not doing) or exaggerate the truth so everything looks good on paper. This goes against my hard work ethic and honesty and I will no longer be participating in such activities. Working with people that hold themselves to a lower standard than I hold myself, it has been particularly trying to maintain a civilized level of respect. I remain professional, but I should not have to struggle daily to respect people that so obviously do not provide me the same courtesy.

            The misappropriation of government funds has never been so apparent to me. FEMA Corps is a colossal waste of money and nothing more than a press stunt. I sincerely hope that traditional NCCC uses tax payer monies more prudently but based on what I have seen from staff, that is unlikely.  Some corps members have briefly brought this to light but that was swiftly extinguished- we don’t want the public to know what really goes on.

            The only reasons that I am still in AmeriCorps are my team leader and the fact that I made a commitment that I intend to honor. I left a lucrative career opportunity behind only to find myself regretting that decision with each passing hour. The remaining two months will be long and I will grow bitter as the days progress. I am confident in this because I know that nothing will change- I gave that hope up a long time ago. 

If you would like your reflection anonymously posted on this blog, please email it to femacorpse@gmail.com. Remember, our goal is to help fix the program by bringing the truth to light. We tried from within and that didn't work. Maybe some honesty for all to see will do the trick.